By JOHN E. BIALAS
If I had a pizza-themed Halloween, these are the cheesiest things I would get for it: Costumes, masks, novelties.
It turns out I’m not having a Halloween pizza party, but maybe you are planning one and I want to help you with cheesy ideas.
The one-size adult pizza Halloween costume at Target goes for $23.81 online and is not in Target stores.
It reminds me of one of those 2-day-old heat-lamp slices at The Hop In, the
The costume might taste better than The Hop In pizza, but I would never try to eat either one.
That’s the Adult Waving Pizza Mascot Halloween Costume from the Costume Kingdom website and the prize is crazy: $164.95.
The Costume Kingdom describes it as “the outfit to end all food outfits!” It’s the end as in “The End” by the Doors.
This is the end
This is the end
My only friend, the end
This is at Party City at The Crossroads in Gulfport, Miss., my town, and the Party City website is in the spirit of the season with a Halloween countdown clock.
I checked the clock on Saturday, 10/26/19, and it was down to 4 days, 9 hours, 41 minutes and 41 seconds.
OK. Back to the mask in the picture above. It’s called the Pizza Slice Mask. It was $12.99. Now it’s $9.74. I would never wear it my hood for fear a cranky old neighbor might try to slice me.
The only good thing I can say about the mask is that it makes me think an album that I call “Pizza Mask Replica” would have been a great followup to the Captain Beefheart classic “Trout Mask Replica.” Better yet, how about “Pizza Trout Replica”?
I saw this on the Michaels website and it’s called Pizza Mask by Imagin8. I call it Pie Hole. It was $10. Now it’s $3.
I see the word “novelties” and think of other words: Notions and sundries.
When was the last time you used the words in a sentence? 1936?
Example: “I’m going to the department store to shop for novelties, notions
I stumbled upon one box of Stretchy Slices at Party City and each slice is $4. I suppose they are in the novelty category and I would give them to kids stopping at our house on Halloween, but I would probably get arrested by the pizza police or the real police.
The slices are toys. They are not food. Still, they probably taste better than The Hop In slices.
Bendable Pizza Guy comes in a 12-pack for $23.99 from Amazon and I must say the Guy is my Halloween nightmare, so much so I would need a 12-pack of something else to forget about him.
I suppose things could be worse. Imagine a “Bendable Pizza Guy” Netflix film starring Bill Hader.
One week before Halloween, I got back to reality after all the goofiness about pizza masks, costumes and novelties.
I made the takeout call for a large pepperoni and double cheese pizza from Brooklyn Pizzeria at Hardy Court Shopping Center in Gulfport because Patty wanted pizza for dinner, and though I had no pizza plans, I was more than happy with her idea.
Brooklyn is close to our Broadmoor neighborhood and I made a copy of a Google map to show you.
We got the pizza on Thursday, 10/24/19, and it was cheesy in the excellent way Brooklyn makes pepperoni and double cheese. It wasn’t cheesy in the sense that the ridiculous costumes, masks
The cheese that covered the big slices and the thick-thin crust was delicious and I didn’t need French dressing to enhance the tastiness.
I’m sincere when it comes to real pizza.
I’ve been a pizza fan since 1960.
I’m not a Halloween fan.
I can’t wait for 11/1/19 to send this message: RIP Halloween 10/31/19.
Then it will be time to think about a pizza-themed Thanksgiving.
Featured image credit: At the top of the post is a Canva design theme.